it’s been a long time since I posted last. mainly because spring is always a bad time of year for me and i didnt’ want to get all mopey on my blog. but now it is summer and my attitude is picking up again. i am feeling creative and thus i am  interested in creating new things.

i recently moved and now have a roommate. also my best friend is staying in the guest room of the house we live in. my other best pal lives only minutes away thus i am always surrounded by loved ones. this is probably part of why my mood is much more up beat. i was lonely way out on the other side of town. i had never lived alone either so the experience, though nice, was saddening.

ad the new house i have a small garden. also a plus.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4hrnbhIHDY

for the past few months i’ve been struggling with the idea of restricting my spending so that i may direct my budget in a more beneficial way. it seems that the music and literature i have been accidentally coming across lately has all been filled with information about living simply in order to give more to those who have nothing. when i say i’ve been struggling i mean that i’ve been wanting to live simply and yet my lust of stuff has not let me. of course that’s not been the only reason, for some people this idea seems insane. i was called that by one person when i tried to explain that i felt the bible was pointing me to good scripture that told me to give to people who had nothing and to stop spending so much money on material goods that only satisfy me for a short while. people seemed confused by the idea of voluntary poverty.

of course for me i wouldn’t not be able to get even close to poverty unless i just decided to only eat one meal of rice a day or something. i have a car, a nice one at that, and my parents gladly pay for all my expenses. i guess simplicity is the way i’d have to discribe my brand of voluntary poverty. i’d like to live in a way that people if they desired to hack into my bank account would without a doubt let them know that i loved to give it all away. i want my bank account to reflect the compassion i feel when i see poor people. i don’t want to just talk about it….

on that note, i’m tired of people just talking. i’m tired of myself just talking. in my landscape theory class we all talk and complain about the way the energy is being consumed and then we all go get in our cars and drive here and there. we discuss our ecological footprints then eat a hamburger and buy clothes made in china. we all complain complain complain about how the trend is to consume more and more while we allow others to have less and less. well it’s time we stopped talking about it and actually do it.

maybe the best way to raise awareness is not to just hold a concert titled after a crisis or to hand out pamphlets, but maybe it’s to get out there and do something. awareness is important, but what good does it do to have everyone cry through a movie then walk out exclaiming how sad it was and yet do nothing about it? maybe we should start teaching people how to save up money and give it to the poor. maybe we should take the time we spend at concerts and movies and go serve at the food kitchen or build a home with habitat. don’t get me wrong, i think that doing “awareness” movies are good and all, but i feel like i’ve spent at least a few hours learning about all the problems in the world, but not actually learning what i can do and then doing it in order to help solve the problem (this is aside from invisible children which i think balanced both awareness and action)

maybe the best way to make a change is to change ourselves…to give it all away. the early christians did it and they were known by everyone by their love. and guess what, they didn’t just give and help other christians. they helped everyone, no discrimination. they didn’t ask why the person was poor and homeless, they just gave them what they needed. they were so good at this that even those that opposed them couldn’t help but notice the good that they did.

and they all helped the people around them. i think it’s good to send money to other countries and fight for those causes but maybe we should stop looking to africa and india so much and maybe we should spend some of the time we spend worring about people we don’t even see worrying about the poor and helpless in our own cities…we could do both. we have the time if we want to have it. so next time, just look around you and see who needs your help today. be it a smile, a kind word, or a lunch or anything. don’t be so focused on the poor thousands of miles away that you miss the poor (in spirit and in material goods) that are near you. and remember your friends. be kind to everyone. it’s hard but it could be done. the early christians did it. we can to.

so i’ll pray for you and you can pray for me. they did a lot of that too. and they helped hold each other to the high standards presented by christ. they wanted to lift each other up and help each other live in a way that proclaimed christ to the world…i’ll pray that we hold each other up. i hope that you’ll pray with me.

Ok, so sorry for a rant but honestly guys, everyone spouts ideals of loving everyone and all we need is love and what not and yet none of us can with hold from a simple act that proves in a few words that we have little love in our heart. we are all guilty of it, i am horribly guilty. We all act nice to someone then trash them later, we all gossip, we all talk in disrepectful ways of someone else.

As Christians we all tout that we don’t sleep around, murder, get drunk etc, but we ignore our language. The bible says in Ephesians 5:4 “and there must be no filthiness and silly talk or coarse jesting, which are not fitting but rather giving thanks” Colossians 3:8 explains that we should “put aside slander, and abusive speech from your mouth.”

So what are we to do? “as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a kind heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another and forgiving each other” Colossians 3:12 and finally “let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.” Col 4:6

So when you talk ask yourself: is what i’m saying compassionate, kind, humble, gentler? is my language full of grace? Christ told us to love each other as he loves us. I don’t think Christ smiles at us then goes to God and tell Him how annoying we are. He is Truth and truth doesn’t smile and spit evil words at the same time. Keep me accountable to this cause i trash talk too. But i’m tired of it. I’ll keep you accountable too. Sorry if you don’t want me too, but as brothers and sisters in Christ we are called to help keep each other accountable in order to encourage and strengthen our walk with Christ.

May your language be sweet and pure as honey!

God Bless!

Lately I have noticed a growing trend in the church. I think it has it’s good points but also it’s bad points. Today the church seems most concerned with attracting youth and college age students. A lot of the churches I have been to have expressed the desire to reach out to this age group. When I look through christian book sections in the stores most of the books are oriented to a younger crowd. Christian music and service styles are also oriented to a trendier and more youthful style.

I think it is great to want to attract the younger christians but what about people who are older? Why can’t the churches try and attract old married couples? Why are they not worthy of extreme measures to bring them into the church?

I just don’t understand why we focus so much on drawing in numbers and being hip and cool churches. Christ did not say to adjust yourself to gain certain people and to look attractive to the world. No He simply stated that we should preach his good news. It use to be that the gospel was what attracted people to Christianity and therefore their faith was based off of a firm foundation. But I wonder what a persons faith is based on when they start attending church because they like how fun and entertaining it is.

Why can’t we preach Christ’s life saving message in a simple manner? Why does it have to be a grand and powerful stage presentation? When did showing believers how to be reverent in the awesome and dangerous presence of God get put low on the priority list and having big screen tv and really cool youth ministers and a great praise team became number one?

I’d love to hear other people’s comments, insight, questions about this. It’s been bugging me lately that churches are trying so hard to confrom to the trends of this world and are losing sight of the Beauty of God’s Word and Kingdom. I’d love to see what you think!

I was reading a book written by a pastor which started off complaining about how horrible the church is these days…the following thoughts were unloaded into my journal:

Many people, myself included, feel let down by the church. We have expected perfection, or at least something close to it, but have instead found flaws. We have hoped to find answers, but have only found more questions. We have hoped to get our problems solved, but only found more. The real issue seems to be that in a way, we are worshiping the church and expecting it to be God for us. We see the church as the place to go to have everything fixed for us. Instead we need to see the church as a way to worship God with other Christians. We go to church thinking that if we find the right one that it will profoundly change us, but we only find that everyone there is just as messed up as we are. So we get frustrated and walk away, mumbling all the while about how hypocritical THEY all are. And then after this happens a few times people start to give up on church…

We expect out of church what we should actually expect from God: Righteousness, Holiness, Lovingkindness, Grace, and the ability to work through us and in us. But you see everyone at church is looking to get that. They worship the church then crumble to bits under the baggage that is a organization lead by people who are not perfect but trying so hard to be.

What if we thought of Jesus as the Answer and Perfector of our Faith and we saw the church as a place to worship Him and rejoce and be thankful together? What if we went with the intention of not making our world perfect but of telling how perfect God is and how He forgives us for not being perfect? What if we went to focus on confession, repenting, and reveling in the presence of an Almighty Savior? And what if we forgave each other for not being able to be God? What if we instead encouraged each other and held each member accountable out of love and a desire to help us all grow closer to our Maker?

Maybe then they would know we are Christians by our love.

The problem with people’s idea of church is that they, and I constantly do this myself, are looking for the perfect church that will transform them. But we are here to SERVE the church not BE SERVED by the church. A church cannot transform me…only the Holy Spirit can do such a thing. We are not attending church for any reason other than to worship God. That’s what it was created for…fellowship of Christians, coming together to sing and love and wonder at their mighty, dangerous LORD, learning His commandments so we may better serve and obey Him. We should therefore confess our sins and faults so that we may be worthy of His presence and thus rejoice in our salvation together, as one body, worshiping in reverence, love, and truth.

Recently Facebook has changed their policy that states that they have rights to your posted information/pictures/etc even after you terminate your account. This is not the first time I’ve been annoyed. When I heard that companies can pay to get information about you then I realized that the people who run facebook are only about money and have low ethical/moral standards.  This being said, I am about to put many posts, that I originally put on facebook, on my blog in an effort to save them before I delete them from facebook. I have decided to remove as much of my stuff from facebook while I can still do that and I will no longer be putting anything else on the site. I will still use it to occasionally chat with my friends, but I will not give them access to more photos and information about my personal life.

I am also marking each advertisement I see on facebook as “uninteresting” or “offensive” in an effort to discourage their advertisers. Yes, I am only one person and I don’t think this will really make any difference, but you never know. I am just tired of the Big Brother mentality of this site. Everything is set up to get you to feel the need to keep up with people’s every move. It’s time to stop the stalkerbook.

So forgive the mass posting that will happen over the next few days.

In class the teacher said that waste and pollution are symptoms of bad design. I agree and wanted to share that little tidbit.

Classes are amazing. I really want to share all the information I have learned but before I do I want to double check that I have the right to do so. Hopefully I’ll be able to educate y’all as well. These classes are so inspiring! I am eager to get to that point in my life where I can enjoy my own little permaculture designed homestead.

I’ve been sick lately. I have been running around all over the place. I work 8 hours a day and only have one night a week where I’m not doing something. On Saturdays (which is when I usually catch up on sleep and mental rest) I am in Permaculture class for 9 hours (plus an hour on each side of those nine for transportation so that means 11 hours of my saturday are for that class). Then Sundays are for church. I have not a single day to sleep in. My social life has also been super active lately so I am not getting to bed early on the weekends to make up for the early rising. This has all added up in my system and produced a lingering cough.

Today I spent my day away from work, for the most part, and resting. I am also going to bed super early with some nyquil to make sure I sleep through the night..something that hasn’t been happening for over a week due to waking up every hour coughing up my lungs. Hopefully this rest will lead to an improvement in my health. 

Peace and blessings.

It’s early. Sorta. Usually I am up at this time for work but on a work day I would have just woken up…not be dressed and ready to go. It’s Saturday. I wish I was sleeping in. I haven’t slept much lately. I’ve been going for four weeks without a chance to really sleep in and get some major major rest.

So why do I subject myself to getting up at 7am on a Saturday? To make money! No actually, I’m not. It’s because I’m a Permie! Last week my permaculture classes started. The first week was rough as it was both Saturday and Sunday. A full 9 hours each day of exciting new information! HOW WONDERFUL! (and how tiring).

This weekend will be better. I only have today. Last week we covered the basics which is why it took two days. It was fun but more of a re-enforcement for me since I have been trying to read up about permaculture in order to have some working knowledge of it before I started the class.

What is permaculture you say? Only the coolest thing since…well God created the earth! God created natural ecosystems and interesting patterns in nature. He set each thing up to have a certain role and to do it’s job. Permaculture studies ecology and nature patterns, water, soil, etc in order to restore landscape to this natural system set up by our Great Creator. If you are at all interested I’ve linked a youtube video below. It’s pretty good but if you serch on youtube a little while you can see a ton of videos especially check out the ones from Bill Mollison since he coined the term.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3_RbgtDnQE (quick watch)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oW7LcNAYBWg (this one is a bit long)

That’s all for now. It’s time to go hang out with the “hippies”

January was slam packed with action. New years came and went and, after recovering from the holidays I settled back into a somewhat normal routine…least during the week. The third weekend of Jan. I went to Houston to hang out with my two best gal pals from studio at A&M. We had a great time catching up and participating in random activities (like trimming the tree at Ann’s new house, and cheering on the marathon runners as they crossed the finish line). The fourth weekend of Jan. I went to College Station to see a couple of friends for the last time until April. Sunday night was really interesting as I went to my church’s Chinese New Years party and enjoyed fellowship with some Chinese exchange students.

All this fun was fairly forgotten by Tuesday Jan 27th when at noon I received a scary phone call from my older sister. It was to inform me that my younger sister was in the emergency room after attempting to take her own life. I left work, picked up my mom who just didn’t feel like driving, and we headed to the hospital.

What I learned that day will probably stay with me forever. My sister and her much older boyfriend (who has many of his own problems) drank rat poison and antifreeze in an attempt to commit suicide. My sister threw it all up so she then slit her wrists. When that didn’t work she simply went to bed (this was monday night). On Tuesday the boyfriend woke up and, still sick ,decided to call the hospital.

My sister was declared a hazard to herself and moved into ICU for testing and care. Once she was cleared she was moved to another hospital that specializes in addictions, suicide attempts, and mental health issues. She was there for a little over a week (she is about to be released). 

It’s been a strange, and eye opening week. I don’t know if I’ll ever get to the root of all that happend with my sister and with my family as we dealt with this over the week. It’s been rocky, smooth, odd, normal, every emotion possible has surfaced. Crying, smiling, laughing, yelling. We did it all.

I am still organizing my thoughts. For a while I did not want to share this information on this blog. But hiding this helps no one. My sister doesn’t care who knows…and I want to get the story out to help others. Over the next few weeks I hope to blog a bit more about some specifics and how we handled the situation, how the hospital didn’t seem to really do it’s job or provide real help (and when I say hospital I mean the mental health hospital…the actual medical hospital where she was in ICU was amazing). I am disappointed in the system that we had to deal with to help my sister. Of course all of this is still fresh so I don’t think I can really step back and explain everything. But I know I can’t be silent because people out in the world are hurting and if my sharing this story helps one person then it is completely worth any effort at all. 

So for those who read this…please pray. Pray for my sister. Pray for my family. Pray for other people who feel darkness and think that death is the only way out. Pray. Pray constantly. God listens. I’ve seen Him work these few days in ways I’ve never seen. My faith was only strengthened by this incident.

Peace and blessings.